Kate's Goodbye
by becksbiggestfan
Summary: The case is modeled after a certain one in Kate's past. She's angry and upset and starts to speak back to the authority. Knowing what she has to do she faces Castle... in a completely unexpected way.
1. Chapter 1

**It's been a few days since I've posted anything... and I promise I'll finish up chapter two of Concussions and Fathers right now. I hate having multiple plot bunnies in my head. Okay, I was watching an episode of CSI (the original, none of the other lame copies) and I absolutely loved (even though it was sad) the goodbye letter Sara Sidle leaved Gil Grissom. I couldn't not turn it into a Castle story. So here you go.**

A BACK ALLEYWAY

8:00 AM

The moment Kate ducked under the crime scene tape she could feel something was different this time. She saw the body and moved to Lanie, asking for the details.

"Victim is Alison Marcus. She's a lawyer. TOD, eleven to one last night. COD," Lanie sighed and eyed her friend, "stabbed, 36 times as far as I can see. I'll tell you with more certainty once I get her back."

Esposito came up behind Kate and put his hand on her shoulder. "Kate, captain says if you're not alright with this case, you can go home."

"Why would I do that?" Kate asked, turning around.

"Alison has a nineteen year old daughter. She was stabbed to death in an alleyway. 36 times. You of all people should see it." Esposito cried, shocked.

"This is just a coincidence, Esposito." Kate shrugged.

"I thought you didn't believe in coincidences." He smiled and Kate raised an eyebrow.

"I'll be fine." She said, before returning to the body.

NYPD PRECINCT HOMICIDE

6:00 PM

A week went by and all their suspects had alibis, all their leads had a dead end. Kate was annoyed and grumpy because all this case had done was prove to be a carbon copy of her own mother's. Ryan again suggested they close it off as a random, but Kate just couldn't give up on it.

Karpowski walked up to her and handed Kate a sealed white envelope. "This came in the mail. It's for you." When Kate took it, her eyes furrowed as she hesitated, Karpowski turned and left.

After another moment Kate opened the letter. She only had to read it once before her breath became raw and hard and her heart raced. "Has your world shattered again yet?" She read aloud.

The team thought for a second and Ryan was the first to talk. "We've been going about this all wrong."

"The murder was never about Alison. All along it's been about Beckett's mom's murder." Esposito took over.

And then Castle, "It's been a ploy to get at Beckett through Alison's death."

"And it's worked too." Kate said under her breath.

No one saw Montgomery exit his office. No one knew that he was standing there listening. At least until he spoke. "Beckett, you're off this case. It's officially gotten too personal. And not another rogue investigation with Castle, you hear me?"

"Sir-"

"Beckett I am not going to say that again." Montgomery ordered.

"Sir no. Just like on the Dunn case I am already on the front lines. Alison was killed because of me. Molly has no mother anymore because of me. This guy wants me and you're not going to catch him unless I am on this case. Besides, I know what it is Molly's going through, I know what she's feeling. I'm not going to let another girl throw away her dreams just because the lead detective on her mother's case couldn't solve it." Kate didn't know where this was coming from, she'd never been this way and it seemed more like an impulse than anything else.

"Detective Beckett, I am your boss. I'm sick and tired of the way you talk to me. You need to learn to show me more respect. I'm suspending you, until this case is over."

"Sir-"

"You're lucky I haven't fired you. Go home." With that Montgomery turned and disappeared back inside his office, slamming the door behind him.

"Kate," Castle called, but she was already walking down the hall.

In the locker room, Kate sat. Not mad, not happy, not crying, not smiling and she sat like that for half an hour. It provided her time to think, about what had happened over the last few days. And she knew what she had to do.

As she left the room, she saw Lanie standing at Esposito's side, she'd probably already heard everything. Castle leaned quietly against her desk and Ryan was at the board erasing a few things.

Walking right past her best friend, Kate stopped in front of Castle. She looked into his eyes for a second and kissed him. He kissed her back, but felt that something had changed. The others looked on in astonishment, they didn't know that was really going on.

Pulling away from Castle, Kate turned and left the precinct.

CASTLE'S LOFT

7:00 PM

Castle slid through his front door and called for Kate. He wasn't really sure what to expect, for the last hour he'd called her numerous times without getting any answer whatsoever. In a desperate attempt at locating her, he pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed her number again.

From across the room, he could hear his special ring tone call out into the quiet atmosphere. Without hanging up, Castle followed the sound, finding the phone on the counter. He picked it up, pressing the end button on his phone at the same time.

Underneath was an envelope, much like the one Kate had received earlier, only Castle's name was scrawled across the top in her familiar handwriting. Setting both phones down next to him he picked it up and opened the seal and card.

_Rick, I know I don't say it very much, but I love you. I have since I first met you at that book signing when I was twenty. No doubt you've noticed that I haven't been acting myself lately, honestly I think I'm just tired. I remember back when we were locked in that freezer together. We had a lot of time to think in there, and I realized somethings that I haven't been able to brush off. Ever since my mother died I've lived with ghosts. Not knowing how to get rid of them, I grew used to the feeling, but now I know it's time to bury them. It's not possible here and I am really sorry. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to lose this feeling, I can't and I know even more that I have to go. I don't know where I'm going, or for how long, but I've got to do this. I know that if I don't I'll just fall deeper into this hole than I already am and eventually self destruct, I don't want you to have to see that happen. My only request is that you be careful and safe, remember I tried so very hard to stay here with you, remember you are my one and done whether we're married or not and I could never replace you. I'm going to miss you every second of every minute of every day. The time we've spent together are the best moments I have had in my entire life. I feel at home with you, something I haven't felt since my mom died and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I will love you forever and always. Goodbye, Rick._

Castle felt as though something sharp had just stabbed his gut.

**I absolutely loved this. I hope that if any of you are CSI fans, you aren't completely POed at me for using this. I couldn't help it at all. There will be another chapter!**

**Wednesday Addams  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**So this is by far one of my favorites that I've written and I feel like I was completely out of my mind neglecting it for this long... anyway... my plan is to spend my free time the rest of this week just updating my things, but I've got a doctor appointment tomorrow, again, and then Friday I have swimming, dancing, flute lessons and a party. So no promises on how far I will get, just promising that I will do the very best that I can... enjoys :)**

* * *

Castle stepped out of the Old Haunt, looking up at the sky that was pouring raindrops from large gray clouds over head. He cussed to himself and held his arm above his head, calling out for a taxi as he stood at the street corner. It was Friday night and with the rain, he wouldn't get a taxi before he caught pneumonia. There was a subway stop about five blocks up, if he ran maybe he'd get there before the bad crowd came out for the evening, even though that could have happened any moment.

Castle took off, winding around others hurrying in the rain to get where they were going, too. He felt a bad cold coming on and could see himself laying in bed for a couple days. That would have been great if Alexis was still around to baby him, but of course, she was off studying in California. They'd gotten into a fight the week she'd left, two months ago. Since then, they're daily phone calls had gone down to weekly, sometimes it felt like less, though. The conversations between the two of them rarely lasted longer than about five minutes.

It was something no one had ever expected to become of the once great father-daughter relationship. Castle had continuously held on too tight, only causing Alexis to pull away more and more. Another thing Castle blamed Kate for. Before she'd left it was her advice that kept the relationship between Castle and Alexis from spiraling out of control like most of the relationships between teenagers and their parents.

In fact, nothing was the same after Kate left, everything changed, and that wasn't one of those ridiculous stories that writers always seemed to play up. He stopped showing up at the precinct, the Nikki Heat series ended, not like his Derrick Storm series, though, Nikki didn't meet an untimely end. It just stopped being written. According to the magazines, him and people close to him were the only ones who knew why. Then there was the shift in the family relationships, with Alexis and with his mom. Martha Rodgers got a part in a Soap Opera on TV, she'd moved to LA and the phone calls with Castle were basically the same as the ones with Alexis. When it came to his old friends Ryan, Esposito and Lanie, Castle had no idea. Connection between the group was cut off. Last Castle heard, they'd all gone off to do their own thing, but it could have been something Castle had made up in a dream and gotten mixed up with the real life stuff.

Pulling his jacket tighter against his body, Castle carefully, but quickly, made his way down the concrete stairs towards the dry underground station. He stopped at the map searching for the closest stop to his apartment. Tapping the line he wanted, he matched it up with the stop on the schedule then glanced at his watch. As he did the math in his head, his phone beeped from his pocket indicating a voice message.

He took the latest iPhone from his pocket, there were too many these days and he wasn't sure which one it was anymore, and listened to it still watching his watch. The mechanical voice stopped its reel and the beep sounded before the message itself.

"Hey, Castle, it's me, Kate. Um, I'm back in New York now, and I'd like to meet up with you for lunch or something. This is my new number, so give me a call, okay? I know you're probably still mad, but just call me? Bye." The message ended and Castle stayed frozen in his place.

Finally he pulled the phone away from his ear, mumbling to himself, "To call or not to call. That is the question." The subway train he wanted pulled up and he walked onto it. There were a few other people sitting strategically around the train. Castle nodded towards an older man watching him as he stepped inside, before taking a seat in a plastic bench, wrapping his hand around the bright yellow pole.

The phone was still in his hand and he watched the wallpaper with a melancholy type look over his face, contemplating the pros and cons of calling her back. His wallpaper was an old picture of Castle and Kate. He had made a funny face, his cheeks were puffed out and his eyes were wide and crossed. Kate was laughing, her head back and her mouth wide and smiling, looking as beautiful as ever. Castle loved the photo. It was one he'd taken just before she'd changed, just before she'd suddenly left. It was his wallpaper before, too.

"Matters of the heart are never easy, young man." The old man from across the subway train said to him. Castle looked up at him then around, making sure it was him the man was talking to.

"Uh, what?" He squeaked out.

"I know that face. I've seen that face a hundred times before. It's an I-don't-know-what-to-do-about-the-woman-I-love look. If only I had a dime every time I saw that face." He shook his head and looked away, the hand on his cane tightening and untightening unconsciously. "Don't think, just act. Only with the heart, though. Don't do that when you're gambling because then nothing goes right."

Castle turned away as the man continued mumbling to himself. He was getting old and a little crazy. The subway rolled to a stop and the man stood up, walking past him. He stopped at the doorway and looked back at Castle, "Call her." And then he left.

As the subway kept moving, Castle thought over what the man said. He picked the phone up, searched through the last few calls, clicking the only unknown number. It rang a few times until someone picked up.

"Hello?" That wasn't Kate's voice, Castle would know Kate's voice. This sounded like a little kid, little girl.

"Uh, is Kate Beckett there?" He asked timidly.

"She's in the shower." The girl said, not saying her 'r' right. "I don't know when she's gonna be out. Who is this?"

"My name is Richard Castle. I'm friends with Kate." He said, pausing before saying her name, not sure what he should call her to the little girl.

"Yeah, she talks about you a lot." The little girl said.

Castle opened his mouth to answer, but there was some sound behind the girl the made him pause, "Baby, who are you talking to?" Now that was Kate.

"It's Richard Castle, mommy. He's nice." Castle smiled at the girl's innocence.

"What? Give mommy the phone, baby." There was a little static as there was what sounded like a fight over the phone.

"But I wanna talk to Richard Castle." The girl whined.

"Well, you know what? I think Hannah Montana is on right now." Kate said.

The little girl sucked in an excited breath, "Yay!" She cried running away.

"Rick?" Kate sighed, placing the phone against her ear. "I'm sorry. That was my daughter, Kenzie. Thanks for calling me back."

"Sure, what did I have to lose?"

"It's still kind of early, would you like to go out for some pizza or something?" Kate said, nervousness clearly in her voice.

Castle hesitated, this was the girl he loved, the second one that got away. The girl who'd left him, out of the blue, no reason at all. The girl who'd never been easy to solve, the one who as always there for him, no matter what. "Sure." He was sure he'd lost his mind.

* * *

**I feel kinda like I picked this up either too soon/too late in the story line... and that I added a little extra unneeded drama (watching Gossip Girl while I wrote this) but I have the 'date' thing planned out and you won't be disappointed, I promise...**

**- XO becksbiggestfan**


End file.
